[There is absolutely nothing in Jamie's life, aside from the unpredictability of Roy Kent, that could have prepared him for this. Jamie squawks, fumbling not to drop his phone.]
What the fuck, man? [He asks so sincerely, pressing a hand to his chest like it'll make his pulse slow down.]
Can't play a game if I don't know the rules. [Childlishly, but he steps back and gestures for Spite to come inside.]
Get in here you nutter, people'll freak out if they see you flying around.
There are no rules. Only agreements. [Spite hunches lower to push into the window, his wings folding neatly and disappearing behind his back into whatever dimension he's pulled them from.]
He never taught me Wicked Grace. [Lucanis promised to, even if Spite hasn't fully grasped the concept of playing cards yet.]
[As it stands, Spite doesn't understand anything that Jamie's saying either. Except maybe the wings part. He's sticking his chest out like he's proud of himself about it.]
[Jamie pats the couch for Spite to sit, gathering up the controllers and turning on the console and TV. He flops onto the couch and picks up his controller, reaching over to turn Spite's on for him.]
You gotta hold it like this. [He nods down at his hands for Spite to copy.]
[Spite stares unmoving until the spot is patted and then he scurries to the indicated place, perching himself upon it. He stares unblinking at Jamie the entire time, even as a controller is placed in his hands. He makes a soft growling sound in the back of his throat as he inspects it. ]
Nnno... [Jamie says warily, he reaches out and gently rests his hand over Spite's on his controller so he doesn't hurl it anywhere in Keeley's apartment.]
You press the buttons and it makes stuff on the TV move. [Jamie points toward the TV, where Naked FIFA is booting up. For the first time ever, Jamie is a little bashful about the amount of dicks and ass on his screen.]
[Spite looks down at the hand on his with a furrowed brow, then at the television that is pointed out to him. He's never seen anything like it, outside of the little devices and those seem to mostly contain text. His head tilts like a dog and he watches the little naked people run around the field and tries to unpack this from his perspective... which is rather skewed.]
Um, I guess? Not sure if it's to encourage us or if they just like it a lot here. Y'know, like when you go to other people's houses and you're surprised they kiss their dad on the mouth.
[He doesn't understand that's not relatable to anyone. Jamie's hands ghost over Spite's, idly nestling in closer as he guides him toward tutorial mode. Jamie points at the screen as he talks.]
If you push that knob left it'll-- it'll scroll through the knobs. You can pick the one you want your teams to have-- won't let you skip this part.
[There is not a word that Jamie says that registers to Spite. And he's supposed to be the confusing one. Welp.
He doesn't know how to reply, just blinks idly until Jamie gives him the next instruction. He pushes the knob as he's told, holding it down while the screen shorts through all of the 'knobs' at a bewildering speed. He continues to hold it, never stopping, and watching them filther through, changing in shape, size, and color so fast it would be an epileptic hazard.]
[This isn't intuitive in the least. There are more tiny naked men on the screen and Jamie is instructing him to press the shapes on the item in his hand. This doesn't feel like a game. This feels like chaos.]
Not playing games. [He grunts as he looks back at Jamie while all his little men run about the screen. Men that he assumes are very much real and captive inside of the big shiny box.] Playing gods.
What? [Jamie is distracted because this is way more complicated than he thought it would be and it's probably not actually fun for either of them. He's just incredibly determined to make a gamer of Spite.
He stills his hands, furrowing his brows at Spite and then pointing at the screen.]
It's not real. It's cartoons. [Is it, though.] Or something.
[There are several barriers here that Jamie hasn't thought through. First of all, this is Spite, not Lucanis; a Fade Demon with only basic concepts of life in a physical realm. But there's also the fact that video games are not a thing that exists in Thedas, and neither is football. Oh, nor cartoons. ]
Not real. [His head twists, looking at it.] Other worlds.
Yeah? I guess you don't have TV or nothin'.. you got books? It's like a book-- but you can see what's happening in it? It's how we tell stories on Earth-- guess it's not exactly universal but other places do it. Maybe cuz we like to see and hear stuff too. Most important senses, innit?
[Nothing that Jamie says is registering to Spite. He stares uneasily back at him for a moment while he speaks, then waits a beat and glances back at the window he'd entered through.]
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What the fuck, man? [He asks so sincerely, pressing a hand to his chest like it'll make his pulse slow down.]
Can't play a game if I don't know the rules. [Childlishly, but he steps back and gestures for Spite to come inside.]
Get in here you nutter, people'll freak out if they see you flying around.
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He never taught me Wicked Grace. [Lucanis promised to, even if Spite hasn't fully grasped the concept of playing cards yet.]
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But I like your wings, those are pretty cool. [Jamie smiles, gesturing toward the couch and TV.]
Issa video game, you wanna play? I can show you how to do it.
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Show me. You called to play.
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You gotta hold it like this. [He nods down at his hands for Spite to copy.]
Guessing you don't have this where you're from.
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Is it a weapon?
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You press the buttons and it makes stuff on the TV move. [Jamie points toward the TV, where Naked FIFA is booting up. For the first time ever, Jamie is a little bashful about the amount of dicks and ass on his screen.]
They make everything here like that.
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For quota?
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[He doesn't understand that's not relatable to anyone. Jamie's hands ghost over Spite's, idly nestling in closer as he guides him toward tutorial mode. Jamie points at the screen as he talks.]
If you push that knob left it'll-- it'll scroll through the knobs. You can pick the one you want your teams to have-- won't let you skip this part.
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He doesn't know how to reply, just blinks idly until Jamie gives him the next instruction. He pushes the knob as he's told, holding it down while the screen shorts through all of the 'knobs' at a bewildering speed. He continues to hold it, never stopping, and watching them filther through, changing in shape, size, and color so fast it would be an epileptic hazard.]
flesh and echo. shifting skin. is this the game?
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[It'll push him into tutorial mode, which is an absolute mess of naked bodies ready to play football.]
There you go, press them buttons.
[He's right up against Spite to backseat drive, unperturbed by his.. everything.]
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Not playing games. [He grunts as he looks back at Jamie while all his little men run about the screen. Men that he assumes are very much real and captive inside of the big shiny box.] Playing gods.
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He stills his hands, furrowing his brows at Spite and then pointing at the screen.]
It's not real. It's cartoons. [Is it, though.] Or something.
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Not real. [His head twists, looking at it.] Other worlds.
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We don't control the book.
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Doesn't Lulu let you play any games on his phone? Reckon you'd love candy crush.
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More fun. Chasing. Fighting.